I grew up thinking there was something terribly wrong with me. The world felt deafening to me. Like the volume on life was turned all the way up, all the time. I rarely felt safe or calm, it was as though I had no skin… everything hit me right to the core. I desperately wanted to be understood and to belong, yet I felt as if I was an alien that didn’t belong on this earth. I was so often told that I was too dramatic, too sensitive, too intense. My deep feelings and inner musings were not welcomed, rather they seemed to make people avoid me. I was brought to tears so easily it was as though I had a target on my back especially made for bullies.
Fitting In – Being “Strong”
I quickly came to believe that if I was to survive in this world, I had to pretend to be something I wasn’t. So I set about the business of trying to “toughen up” like everyone kept telling me. I censored myself. Stuffed my feelings. Denied my needs. I pushed myself to the point of breakdown all in the name of “overcoming” being “too” sensitive. I became an expert “chameleon”, changing my emotional colors to match the vibe of any room or situation. My little intuitive emotional “antennae” were also tuned into the frequency of the outside world. I clung to a false sense of control of the outer world to have some sense of control over the chaos I felt inside.
Years of living this way left me depleted and broken, yet not actually any “tougher” than before. As hard as I tried, I was stuck inside my thin skin. Thousands of hours of therapy, coaching, and inner growth work later, I surrendered. Accepted or not, understood or not, this was who I was. And I was sick of fighting it. In my surrender it began to become clear to me that I didn’t even really want to “toughen up.” This world has enough tough guys. I began to see the gifts in my deep feelings, intuition, and powerful empathy. I began to see that strong and tough were not the same thing. It actually takes great strength to be a sensitive empath in this world. To navigate life with heightened senses, deeper levels of processing, and so many feels.
Surrendering To My Sensitive Nature
While surrender at first felt like a defeat, I quickly realized it was the door to freedom. What we resist persists. And going through life denying the truth of who you are is like living in a prison. The more I embraced my sensitivity, the more it began to work for me, not against me. The more I saw it as a magical gift and superpower. The prouder I became of my differences. The more I stopped looking outside myself for validation and guidance and the more I found that it had been there all along. I had just been looking in the wrong direction.
When you treat your sensitivity as a gift, it becomes so much clearer that it is one. When you turn your intuitive feelers back inward, you find an unshakeable strength you never knew you had. Because the truth is, there is nothing wrong with you. It is just limiting beliefs and societal conditioning that has led us sensitive empaths to believe we are “weak” or “weird when you are actually a complete and total badass.
Owning Your Sensitive Power
When you take your power back, when you own your sensitivity, you begin to change your inner landscape- and that will directly transform your outer reality. There is a place for us here in this world. But we are the ones who have to claim it. We are the ones who have to start changing the narrative in society and no longer apologize for the truth of who we are. We are the ones who need to use our voices to herald our gifts of intuition, vision, creativity, insight, wisdom, and healing. Our sensitivity is no accident, and the world desperately needs the healing powers we have to offer. Because a sensitive who has embraced their power is pure magic. We balance the energies of the world with our sense of wonder and innate kindness. We are natural beacons of light. But it is up to us to have the courage to to shine. To step fully into our purpose and shift the tides of this turbulent ocean of life with our badass sensitive souls.
Image: Joe Pregadio at Unsplash