In his book Thrive!, which discusses the gifts and challenges of highly sensitive people, Dr. Tracy M. Cooper talks about his research on the trait of sensory processing sensitivity. What interested me most were the stories and real-life experiences of fellow HSPs. They helped to draw a picture of how HSPs as a population might think.
Dr. Cooper also included the specific percentages of people who aged or disagreed with statements in his survey, which felt quite insightful. For example, he tells us that 48% of HSPs in the survey he conducted strongly disagreed with the statement “I do not prefer for things to be well thought out” and an additional 33% disagreed. It was interesting to see this proclivity laid out so clearly. This, of course, means that even if you don’t know someone like you, there are many people out there who like to pause before they act, who like to think first and consider their options before doing something.
It means that just because you don’t follow the majority rule, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. All it means is that you function differently.
I think this sense of belonging and the perspective that HSP-centric research gives us is what helps us accept ourselves and also have self-compassion for the old us who might have tried so hard to fit in.
Are You A Contemplative HSP?
In Thrive!, Dr. Cooper included this quote by one of his research participants, Olivia, which I really loved:
“I realized that I am very contemplative. I like a lot of my work to be big picture. I like to be reflecting on things. I am not a big doer, I mean, I am not the person who can set up big meetings and stuff like, let’s get packing or like, let’s not sit around and talk about ideas, let’s get to work…. I realize that I am much more comfortable in the world of ideas when I am in the world. In the world of action, I have no reflection whatsoever. If I have to pick one or the other, I want to be in the world of contemplation, thinking, and ideas,”
HSPs are often the thinkers and idea generators who move to action only once they have thought things through.
In a world focused on production, this statement gave me food for thought. Of course, we need to act. We can’t stop at reflection. But in my life, it’s when my actions have been backed by reflection that I have had the most success. I am not the kind of person who moves into action quickly, and understanding that about myself is an important step for me. I need to think, consider options, weigh them and it’s only then, once I have reached a little more understanding and readiness can I act in a way that moves me forward. If I am always bargaining with myself and trying to make myself “act” in the way that others do, it just doesn’t work for me.
To take a small example, here in the States, when medicines are advertised, the long list of all the possible side effects is advertised alongside. I used to find this quite paralyzing because I am so hyper-aware of all this information, of all the possible things that could go wrong. I used to think that in such a case, I would just be caught in analysis and never be able to make a decision.
A non-HSP friend told me that it’s just more practical to ignore all this overwhelming information about possible “things that might go wrong” and just go with what the doctor recommends. But while this approach is pragmatic and action-oriented, I don’t think that sits well with me. I realize its benefits. It is much better than becoming paralyzed and scared, which I can become trapped by as an HSP.
But it doesn’t take into account my cautious nature. My real course of action in these cases is to do a lot of research, get second opinions, think about my options and then decide. Thinking and reflecting like this means that I have honored the voice inside me that tells me to pay attention to subtleties. Then, I can act and that action is based on feeling and thinking my way through. But just ignoring information that I have doesn’t work for me. Even if the chance for things going wrong is 10%, I can’t handle that risk in the same way my non-HSP friend handles it. For me, I have to think about that 10% in a different way so that I can move myself to act.
This is who I am. This is how I look at things. Although it often takes more effort and more time, this is the way I am most comfortable acting on things.
This is why Olivia’s statement felt interesting to me. On one level, it’s an acceptance of our self as HSPs, the fact that we do like to think things through. It’s validating of my own experience as someone who is most comfortable in the world of ideas. On another level, it talks of a danger that I can fall into, either comparing myself to more action-oriented types and always feeling “less than” or getting stuck in reflecting and not taking action. But realizing that I can do both, listen to the cautionary voice inside me to gather information and that I can also act helps me find a way that is authentically mine.
Are Contemplative HSPs The Canary In The Coal Mine?
I do like to think a lot, and I have to be mindful of the trap of over-thinking. But this tendency to take nuances into account can also serve me well. It can nudge me to get better information. Once I have that, what I do becomes qualitatively better.
Depending on the context, the tendency towards complexity of thought that HSPs have can be an advantage or a disadvantage.
In work situations, for example, this complexity of thought, which can be a great quality in some situations, can sometimes act like a disadvantage. This is what Evelyn had to say when she talked to Dr. Cooper. Maybe, when you read it, you will feel the same a-ha that I did:
“It’s the old canary in the coal mine phenomenon where there is dysfunction in a work situation, somehow I would get involved, either, it will be directed at me and I was intelligent enough to see what was going on and the dysfunction under the surface. Unfortunately, most of the places I have worked, they are really not interested in that. It can be useful information or it can be the idea that we don’t want to deal with the fact that we could be contributing to or causing the problem.”
Dr Cooper goes on to talk about how the phrase “canary in the coal mine” was used repetitively by many HSPs in the initial study to describe how they often feel while at work. He says:
“Being naturally predisposed toward big picture, long-term thinking privileges one with knowing what may happen if a given course is taken or not altered. Many HSPs, however, did not report that this ability was valued by employers or understood, as in the aforementioned quote.”
Reading this brought to my mind all the times when things seemed obvious to me but other people at places I worked either didn’t see or get it or did not want to see or get it. I had never put this feeling and the huge discomfort I felt in so many words or thought about it as clearly as this statement.
If you are in a similar situation, if you are this canary in the coal mine, I think this perspective gives us another piece of information.
It nudges us to some practical questions. Are the people we want to share things with open to what we have to say? Will we become the proverbial messenger who gets killed (disliked, discounted)? Is this an environment that only talks about certain values like openness and transparency or does it actually practice those values?
Maybe, asking and answering these questions for yourself will help you navigate where you are right now.
It might help you see that what you notice is valid and real. But not everyone, everywhere, might be willing to accept or listen to what you have to say. That doesn’t mean you should doubt your own perception. It just means this is the reality of this particular situation.
It felt both sad and insightful to me when I read about how HSPs can be the canary in the coal mine. It took me back to places in the past where I felt disempowered and like an outsider. It’s not an easy problem to fix in work situations, but maybe this little piece will help you understand what you, yourself, are feeling.
What do you think? Have you ever felt like a canary in the coal mine? How might you deal with your challenges?