Why Insecurity Is The First Step To Confidence

What is it about insecurity that makes us so uncomfortable? Why do most of us pretend we don’t have insecurities, or even worse, suppress them? While it is common to deny insecurity, we must be aware of the drastic consequences of doing so. The very act of pushing something down automatically creates resistance.

It takes a great amount of energy to push down our insecurities. Not just physical energy, but mental and emotional energy as well. Any person or situation has the potential to trigger these emotions and it is inevitable that they will rise to the surface. At this point, we must decide if we want to keep building upon these insecurities, or if we want to face them once and for all.

Insecurity Is Hidden Opportunity

Our insecurities are really just hidden opportunities. We must look at them as clues. Clues that pinpoint suppressed parts of ourselves that need attention. The next time we find an insecurity has been triggered, we must remember that an opportunity has presented itself. This is our chance to focus on those parts of ourselves that have been neglected for years. When we do this, we are choosing to evolve. We are declaring to the world, and to ourselves, we are no longer satisfied with status quo. This is a chance to grow into the best possible version of our self. 

Why We Suppress Emotions

There are two reasons we suppress uncomfortable emotions. We will discover the second reason later on but the first reason is this-it doesn’t feel good. That’s it! It’s really that simple. What makes us so hesitant to confront insecurity then? Can’t we tolerate a small dose of feeling bad? Well, there’s something interesting that happens when we consistently avoid something. We convince ourselves that what we are avoiding must be really bad. We get so used to suppressing it that we forget these original emotions were merely just uncomfortable at first. We develop a belief that something that’s pushed away so many times must be dark and scary.

Putting off confronting our insecurities enables them to multiply and deepen. We must remember that it’s not as scary as we think it is. We know these feelings will surface at some point, so what are we waiting for? Our insecurities are opportunities for growth and change. We can’t let them turn into the boogeyman under our bed. If we look at them without hesitation or fear, we discover they really aren’t scary after all. We can see they are just clues that reflect a deeper limiting belief we hold.

The Primary Belief Behind All Insecurity

As long as we consistently push our negative thoughts away, they will remain. What we resist, persists. As long as they remain, they will be thought over and over again. This is how a belief is formed. This is the second reason why we suppress our insecurities –  they trigger a core belief. These beliefs are not as obvious as “I believe in God” or “I believe in global warming.” They are deep seated, difficult to change, and formed when we are young. Core beliefs often undermine our personal progress and efforts. This is why it is imperative that we use our insecurities as clues. They help reveal to us our deep seated beliefs. If we uncover these beliefs, we can eliminate them and replace them with new ones. We can change our future for the better. So what is the #1 belief that we need to collapse in order to rid ourselves of all insecurity? What is the one thought we have thought so many times that we automatically believe it? What is the one belief we must replace so we don’t feel uncomfortable and embarrassed again? Here it is. 

“I’m not good enough”

That is it. Insecure about appearance? I’m not good enough. Insecure about parenting? I’m not good enough. Insecure about a relationship, intelligence, background, career, finances? “I’m not good enough” will be at the root of it all. What should we replace it with? “I’m good enough.” Yes, it’s really that simple. Anytime we catch ourselves feeling not good enough, we must consciously take a moment to discard that thought and replace it with “I am good enough.” It’s okay if it feels fake at first, that is perfectly normal. However, once we have thought this new thought over and over again, and practiced it enough times, it will sink in to our core. It will become our new core belief. At this point, we will find those sensitive emotions are not getting triggered anymore. When we feel good enough, our flaws, imperfections, bad habits, and everything else becomes…okay. Because we are okay. In fact, we are great just the way we are.

Eliminating Insecurities

After bringing our insecurities and core beliefs to light, we start to see they are not that scary or difficult to understand. There will be uncomfortable emotions that arise within the process, but as long as we recognize these emotions as fleeting, it becomes tolerable. Even enjoyable. Here are a few questions we must ask ourselves if we are ready to eliminate those nagging insecurities for good.

  • What do I feel most insecure about?
  • What do I suppress over and over again?
  • What can my insecurities teach me?

Taking some time to consider these questions and answer them can help release from the burden of unnecessary insecurities. Give it a try!

About Nicole Taffs

My name is Nicole Taffs and I am a highly sensitive person. I started TheSensitiveLife blog because I felt a deep need to share the knowledge that I have acquired and studied over the years. As my knowledge of sensitivity grew, so did my abilities and confidence. I began to see and experience all the positives that come from being highly sensitive. I want to share my struggles as well as my knowledge on how to turn our sensitivities into advantages. I am also certified in holistic nutrition, reflexology and reiki. TheSensitiveLife Twitter


  1. Roxanne Smith on February 29, 2016 at 9:45 am

    Lovely article! 😀

  2. jp on May 26, 2021 at 7:59 pm

    My mother never wanted me. She treated me like dirt for decades but because I didn’t know what normal was or about abuse or about narcissistic parents – plus moving around in childhood and adulthood – I just took it all and blamed myself. Now I”m in my 60s. She succeeded in destroying any relationship I ever had so I have no friends, no spouse or partner, no children – all things I wanted. After spending 24/7 time waiting on her hand and foot for two years recently, I broke down and left. I realized she just wanted me to be her free caretaker, while she didn’t care a whit about my future as a single childless woman with limited finances and no one. Meanwhile she idolizes my two older siblings who are wealthy and have spouses and families (and so are valuable people unlike me to her), and who she ensured would be estranged from me – a plus now that I see they too treated me like dirt for a lifetime.

    I now see that it was all wrong and I was/am worthy, but it’s too late to get any of those things. I feel too damaged. The shrinks I tried didn’t understand NPD or the type of emotional abuse I endured. I’ll try saying “I’m good enough” as I have many things, but when a bad moment pops up I just want to harm myself.

  3. Julie A. on May 30, 2021 at 12:44 pm


    I am so sad to read how you were treated. You did not and do not deserve that. We are often so loyal to our parents, even when they do not deserve it. We were too young to realize the damage they were doing to our self worth – damage that would have negative repercussions sometimes throughout the rest of our lives affecting our relationships, career, finances and the relationship we have with ourselves. We can still somewhere deep down have a love and respect for ourselves…but because so much time has passed before we realized all of this…it often seems “too late” … how do we accomplish all we want out of lives when we are now in our later years? We will have some good days and some not so good ones…but we deserve to experience joy. I do understand and send you much caring.

    • Maria Hill on May 30, 2021 at 12:48 pm

      Than you for your kind words.