The Loneliness Problem

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

If we took a survey of HSPs, how many would say they are lonely?  Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Being alone and enjoying it come from our full engagement with life.  Loneliness is something else.

Loneliness often feels like we have been graded and found wanting.  It feels like a suffocating prison to which we do not hold the key. When we experience loneliness, we often experience it as a form of rejection. Sometimes it feels like we are in a different place from everyone else, and so we feel the loneliness of our difference. Our inability to find or share common ground can give rise to feelings of loneliness.

Being a highly sensitive person inevitably invites lonely feelings just because of who we are. Because we perceive and experience differently, we are often at a disadvantage in our relationships. On an interpersonal basis sharing differences in perception and experience is not so difficult. The greater difficulty comes from not really sharing the language of the competitive culture; our basis for interpersonal exchange is not there. The sensitivities and values difference that come from holistic perceptions and living from energetic experience are hard to integrate into an us vs. them culture.

Highly sensitive people have much to give in a world that often does not want what we have to offer. Our hearts are so big but they are often big by themselves. It can feel like you are out on a limb in a world that wants to chop it down at any moment. Very risky! Yet you cannot do otherwise because you would then be betraying yourself.  So you, therefore, carry the torch even if no one can see it, even when you feel foolish, hoping that at some point the world will stop long enough to see that there is no them and that then you will not be lonely anymore.

The COVID pandemic has exacerbated feelings of loneliness. That may be a good thing for sensitive people who are very familiar with and have often mastered the benefits of being alone. It is possible that the pause created by this difficult time will promote a greater appreciation for the benefits of community and interdependence, which we need to embrace if we are to manage the issues and consequences of overconsumption and overpopulation.

If may be then that the heart-based torch carried by sensitive people will find more people sensitive to the value of communal over compatitive thinking. It may be that gradually sesitive people will find more who are receptive to their values and will feel more welcome in the world. Heart-based thinking is one of the foundations of a saner, safer, healthier world. We need it and as a result we need the participation of sensitive people. Seeking like-minded people can help sensitive people find the enriching social life that sensitive people want.

The world can benefit from our presence and participation.

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About Maria Hill

Maria Hill is the founder of Sensitive Evolution. She is the author of The Emerging Sensitive: A Guide For Finding Your Place In The World. In addition, she has created the immersive Emerging Sensitive Program using cultural and personal development frameworks to help sensitive people master their sensitivity and turn it into the asset it can be. She also offers The Magic Of Joy program for quantum healing and the Emerging Sensitive Community focused on living in the world as a sensitive person and navigating the challenging cultural shifts of our times. She is a longtime meditator, reiki master, student of alternative health and Ayurveda. Maria is a Certified Theta Healer and certified in Spiral Dynamics. She is an abstract painter whose portfolio can be found at Infinite Shape and also very interested in animal and human rights and the environment.


  1. Phil on February 8, 2019 at 10:52 am

    I am 50 this year and have no friends or partner I was married for 17 years before getting divorced after my wife cheated and left. I recently thought I’d found the love of my life only to find I was being gaslighted. Being a highly sensitive person this destroyed me. I just want friends and a partner to share my life. It seems such a small thing but so unachievable for me. People tell me I look great for my age and a really nice person so I just don’t get it. I hate that I’m like an emotional sponge and the wrong people seem to be drawn to me.

    • Maria Hill on February 8, 2019 at 11:06 am

      Hi Phil,

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story. I think that many sensitive people suffer from a blind spot about manipulative people. There are many people who are not really partnership oriented. They are invested in social competition and the acquisitive culture we are in. Our culture is highly addictive because of the sensationalistic aspect of it – the constant drama and many people locate their lives within it. I certainly have struggled with the disappointment of manipulative people in my life also.

      I think there is a path forward for you and have a couple of suggestions:

      • take some time to consider the values you need to see in a friend or partner.
      • consider relationships as a process and that there are certain things you need from people in your life in order for them to be there.

      I think when you develop a list of your own requirements then you may be able to have more balance in your relationships and it may help you feel more in control of what is happening in your social life. I hope this helps.

      All the best,

  2. Sarah on November 13, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    Thank you so much for this post; it captures so much of what I’ve been feeling and the challenges I’ve faced with feeling connected. Thank you.

    • Maria Hill on November 13, 2019 at 7:22 pm

      You are very welcome – stop by anytime!